One of those days...

Do you ever have those days of reminiscing that you just can't break out of?

Today is definitely one of those days for me. I just keep thinking about Seattle. About moving back. I definitely don't miss the rain and the overcast, but I miss the beauty and the fervor I felt for it when I walked outside. I walked everywhere just because I loved it. I loved walking down the street and seeing the skyline at the end with the sparkling water even in the gray covered mist and the serene backdrop of snow-capped mountains a little fuzzy in the distance, but still plainly clear. It's one of those sites you can't forget. The evergreen trees so statuesque and pristine along the edges of the highway as you race by, or sit in traffic...it was just so beautiful. So calming sometimes. Sitting outside on a brisk or even chilly night on my porch steps just watching the stars and having amazing conversations. I miss my friends there. I miss Anna-lisa and Mel and Ruth and even Chris sometimes. I miss walking around the parks. Gasworks. Riding the bus downtown to Pike's Place. I miss showing off my beautiful city. I miss sitting in my kitchen on the mini stove warming myself after taking a run around Green Lake. I miss walking to the local market and always finding something new to try. I miss the Farmer's market every Sunday and the sushi for lunch. I miss kayaking in the sound. I miss driving somewhere new and experiencing things on my own every other weekend. I miss the adventure, the experience of the place. I miss Ryan and our zombie filled extravaganzas. I miss seeing seals in Discovery park and I miss watching the AMAZING sunsets in Golden Gardens. I miss the food, the wonderful seafood I couldn't get enough of. I miss volunteering and visiting the sick families that became my friends. I miss Kate and our dinner dates and meeting up with alums from my hometown. I miss the Mariners game with Mike and playing in the bars in Fremont and Ballard. I miss the random people I met from meet-up, no matter how strange, they were always a good time. I miss my cousins and our poetry and meteor shower events. I miss always having something to do. Not always sitting at home. Not always having to drive places. I miss public transportation being easy. I miss seeing the Space Needle walking to work. I miss my friends in Bellevue and hearing their stories of growing up in this strange town.

Nashville has it's perks, but it's not the same. It's nice to be so close to family. It's nice to be able to go outside in the sunshine for more than three months. It's incredible to be able to take weekend trips to other states. Zorbing and rafting and mountain climbing and hiking and outdoorsy things are commonplace. We can spend a weekend with my parents in Tampa easily, or Orlando. We can fly to NY for relatively cheap. These trips aren't 8 hours just by plane, they're quick and easy. We're saving money, which is nice.

It's hard to let go of everything I miss though. As horrible as it felt sometimes, Seattle meant a lot to me. It was something I did on my own. It took everything I had to make it work and as miserable as I was, it was just because I was lonely. I felt so far away from familiar, yet now I yearn to feel that unfamiliarity again. I'm so unsure of my future at this point. I just know next year is going to be a radical change no matter what. I should be stoked but I'm just waiting anxiously to figure something, anything out.

I'll keep you posted.

I'm in an odd state of transition it feels like.

A year after moving I feel the urge to get up and move again. I just got back from San Francisco and Napa with my sister and mom. Now I just keep thinking about what's next. I know what I've been wanting to do for so long, Ph.D and research and such, but it's all so long in the making. I have my whole life to work on that part of it. I want to see the world. I want to volunteer. I want to live and study abroad. I don't want to be stuck for another 5 years in one place, especially one I don't particularly like. I can't see myself here in Nashville and another 5 years to complete a program feels suffocating. I had a hard enough time spending the time to complete a bachelors in one city, so I finished it a year and a half early. A little over 3 years was my limit...

As I sit here and write this I realize just how true my words really are. I can't see myself here. I want to move again. I want to keep moving. I feel like, yet again, I'm waiting on my life to start. My life is still continuing. I remind myself of that everyday. Now I ask myself if I did get up and leave what would I do. How would I survive? What would be my income? I don't have the same life I used to, then at the same time I know I do. Life is not the same easy-going situation it was when I was in college. I don't have constant funds. I have health insurance until I leave my job. I have a car and car payments and insurance. I have a cat. I don't want to settle. I don't want to settle down. I want to leave. I want to get up and start life somewhere new yet again. I need constant change. It feels so great to feel open to this possibility again. I just don't know.

What to do. Where to go. Maybe travel abroad with Reid for awhile. Work at hostels and make our way through Europe or Asia or Aussie and NZ (my favorite place in the world). I can see us doing that. I can see both of us picking up and leaving. I want another year of this. Save some money. Make a life and a name in research then do just that. I start my second year in my profession of choice tomorrow. I'll be in it. I've been learning, expanding, researching. I have my ENTIRE life to live. I need to not limit myself to the life that other people set out for me to live. You and I both know that's not me. I'm not the person to set myself down to the life everyone else has.

Now I just need to figure out/think of something to do. I'll keep you posted.

Life, in general

My mom told me while I was home for the weekend last weekend that people have been asking why I haven't updated since...September. It's very easy to explain for a few reasons. 1- The blog is connected to an email account I no longer have (UCF took it away from me), so I have to sign out of the one I have then try to remember the password for the old one. A bit of a hassle. 2- Life is...busy. Well, more like work is busy. Life is relaxing, for the most part.

So, how to update the last almost 6 months for you. Work has had its ins and outs. I hated it for awhile with the monotony of awful work. I was bored and that's not good for me. Boredom=not caring. Once I don't care anymore it's hard to come back. Don't you ever feel that way sometimes? I like to switch things up once I get to that point. It takes all the fret and dismay out of working a tedious job. So, what I did is I got up the nerve to sit down with my boss and ask for something new, something different- my own project. She has led me in a whole new direction. She offered to help me get publications for applying to grad schools. She also, along with a few others, persuaded me to get my Ph.D instead of just a Masters. My goals in life would stop incredibly short of their destination if I wasted my time on a Masters.

These days I am working on my own project with Edema Fluid in Acute Lung Injury patients from the ICU. I'm basically working with microRNAs and histone proteins for the time being. My focus will be on the histones though. I doubt that's in anyone's realm of real caring, so if you want to know more you can google it. I'm also starting a new project for the Delirium group working with Veterans samples and I'm finishing up a project on lung transplant patients. Like I said, busy.

Lots have been going on at home. Update on Reid, the boy. He, unfortunately, got let go of his job with the online advertising company, but he also had two job offers a couple months after. He got offered a high-paying sales job with Dell and a copywriting position with an advertising company. Needless to say, it was a no-brainer and he is now a proud member of an advertising company rated one of the best places to work in Nashville! YAY Reid!

Now this. I will expound on an issue I'm going through a little bit of trouble with right now. I've basically set myself up to start grad school in 2013, work on my Ph.D for 5+ years then start a post doc. then a possible career in the immunology pathology field of research. Here's the dilemma. This would be my last year to experience...anything I wanted to do. You all should know by now that I'm a wandering soul. I'm content when I'm moving. I'm happiest when there's change, new things, new cultures, life. How else do you explain me? I'm a wanderer. I have wanderlust. I've met my counterpart that feels the same way I do. He's the other part of my soul. You always know, that missing piece when finally placed makes you feel whole in yourself, your life, your possibilities.

Well, my other half wants to teach in Asia for a year. He brought the idea up on a whim two weeks ago. Well, it's time to get serious. Our lease is up in October. What's exactly stopping us from packing up our essentials (and our adorable little kitty Liam) and moving to Asia for a year come then. Nothing. Nothing but my grad school, research, and starting my career. I'm going through a ton of battles with myself right now. I want to go. I keep asking myself: Why not? Every time I wonder whether or not to do something, that's my go to question. It always pushes me to choose the right direction. I don't want to ever regret not doing something. Life is nothing with regrets. We should live our lives the way we see fit, otherwise, what's the point in living it? But that's putting off school for another year. That's taking off from the research I've just now begun on my own. That's taking away my possible publications and the furthering of my career in science. But, if not now, when? When do I get this chance again? And especially to have someone else to go with me like Reid? Ugh...so many facets of my life to look at, but this feels like it should be such a good decision. Teach abroad for a year, travel, then come back refreshed and ready to take on the world! I'm just having a hard time. I don't know what to do. I'll keep you updated and when/if this pans out you'll definitely be getting a brand new blog entitled WANDERLUST and up to date postings about travels, experiences, and of course pictures of everything I come into contact with.

Update, update, update

I don't know how many of you are reading this anymore due to my lack of updates, but I'll continue for the sake of reading my own words.
Plus, it's probably a good idea for me to write things down because if you know me, I'm a bit on the absent-minded side at times, or just forgetful. I'd just like you to think I'm not just FORGETTING you. I'm just in my own world (...uh huh).

Well, as always, I did not finish the 30-day challenge, however, I did sign up for another unlimited month at a different studio. I don't think I'll do 30 days again, but I will do my best to go as much as I can. I say 3/4 if possible.

Life has been rather uneventful as I'm sure most people could guess, but as in all things ups and downs do come. Up- Reid got a job a few days after my last post! He's a copywriter for an online marketing firm and doing exceptionally well at it. I on the other hand am ridiculously busy at work doing monotonous things in a very tedious way. I'm also apparently working on trying to break my fingers off after sitting in -80C freezers all day (the tedious work of reorganizing and inventory). I regret to inform you that somebody has to do it and I'm the one stuck at the bottom of the totem pole these days.

I've finally decided on what to do (for now) and am applying to get my MLI from Vandy starting August of next year. The Masters is only available to RA's at Vandy who have been here for a year and by the date the apps are due will be one year and one day for me. Fate? Yes, I do declare. So, going to start back up that GRE studying again. Must ACE, please and thank you.


These days are basically filled with movies via Netflix, work, hanging with the boy and going out. Reid and I put down our deposit on our apartment, moving in October 21! Yippee skippy! I'm so excited I'm beyond words. I cannot wait!! Only one more month...

Well, my parentals are in Costa Rica right now and as it gets colder outside I'm wishing I could be lounging in the Central American sun with them. Someday soon I'll get back to my whirlwind trips. Already talking to Reid about what we could plan for the coming years. Saving has already commenced!

Day 12 Today

So, I did my first double on Day 8-9. It was...difficult. I did a 75 min Bikram followed by a 90 min Bikram. Needless to say I thought it was 75 Vinyasa and 90 Bikram which is, to say the least, do-able. I struggled through the second class because of a lack of water and proper motivation. The only thing that made me go to the second class was Derek. He's a guy I befriended because he's working on his 90-day challenge! He's done with it next week! Can you believe that?! 90 days. Ugh. I definitely couldn't do that. Well, I possibly could, but then I'd have no weekend trips or weekends in the 'Boro. That would just be awful.

Day 10 went by in a haze. I went to the 6am class and Kelly (one of the sisters) taught this class. Let's just say she's definitely tougher than her sister. She teaches a pretty stringent class, but I've heard I haven't had the worst yet. Her name is Jenn and she normally teaches the 6am; I've never had her. I focused on breathing this day. I'm just having a difficult time with that. I stayed in child's pose most of this. My body was just drained. No stamina. No drive. So I did what I could and tried to keep an open mind for the next day.

Day 11 was another 6am sunrise yoga. Kelly taught again, but this time I kept up only going into child's pose a few times. I grabbed a block to help with my reaches because I still, in fact, cannot touch my toes. Which is kind of a bummer. I thought almost halfway through this that I'd be further along. I won't let it get to me though. These are the kind of things to breathe through and move passed.

Day 12 is today :) I'm planning on going to the 7:45pm class. It's only an hour, but I need to stay at work today a little longer than usual. Trying to make those big bucks, you know? Ha. Anyways, it's only 60 mins and I figured out what my focus would be on today: pulling my stomach in and locking my core. I find this is another problem I have which I only notice in certain poses, so I need to focus on it. And today I cannot decide between Reid or my sister to be the reason why I go. I think Reid's going to be the winner today (sorry Meg, he needs it more). If any of you know anyone or any job opening in Nashville, let me know so I can send his resume along. Never hurts to ask!

On another note, Reid and I got accepted on our apartment!!! I know, I'm excited too. It's super nice, in a great area (upper Bellevue by Belle Meade). I've got to call them today to talk about when to put down the deposit, but probably soon. It's a 3bd/2ba which we got at an insane price! Cute little neighborhood, right by one other woman in my lab. She says we'll have to have dinner parties now being so close! Woo friends. We have furniture for the 2 bedrooms, but we're trying to figure out where to go with the third...any ideas? Let me know. A whole other room to do whatever with for cheaper than a 2 bedroom (by almost $100), kind of cool. No, it is cool.

Work is calling. I wish everyone a great day today.

Namaste.

End of Week 1

Today starts Days 8 and 9 (hopefully working my way through two classes today!).

This week has not been as tough as I expected. I was a little sore Day 3, but fine by Days 4 and 5. I set the focus of my practices this week on breathing. As I said before, I hold my breath through anything I find difficult, but slowly I am learning to breathe through the difficulties. Now if only I could adopt that into my daily life. Days 4, 5 and 6 I sent all my positive energies out to my sister, Meghann. She's waiting in her last week and a half to hear back about whether her thesis is accepted. I know my sister pretty well, so I know she has nothing to worry about, but she is indescribably anxious (as one would expect)and she can take as much positive energy as she's given!

Day 7, however, I switched it up. I had a bit of a disagreement, fight, tiff (whatever you want to call it) with Reid. He's just going through a rough patch which, in turn, means I am going through it as well. It's hard for me to stand by and show support and be unendingly optimistic because I've been in his shoes. I know how it feels and it is miserable. I just need him to see that in the end it all gets better, but first you swallow your pride (everyone does it) and accept anything that comes your way. I was a little harsh with him and I apologized, but I went into yoga in a bit of a funk. I just couldn't break it. Anything that anyone did set me on edge. A girl slams her mat on the ground and I cringe, ball up my fists because it's the only thing stopping me from yelling at her for not being quiet in the meditation room. A guy coughs and all I think is he should be quiet. I needed silence. Peace. I needed some stillness and energy my way, but I dedicated mine to him. He needs the love and reassurance that I so did not give him yesterday.

Happily though, he showed up on my doorstep last night apologizing and hoping for a better night last night and day today. I came in to work early and picked an early class for yoga so we could have all night together, but alas he left to go the 45 minute drive back home. Sitting at my house all day while I'm at work is apparently not a fun time.

Looks like I'm going to need more positive energy today.

Day 2/Day 3

I was stoked to be going to a sunrise yoga class, but a little apprehensive to the fact that it was Vinyasa. I made my focus and goal of this class just to make it through it. Nothing else. Just be present, breathe and listen. I did just that and did every posture but 1 and a half. I was so proud of myself for completing it! I've never been able to do that through a Vinyasa before.

Wednesday I was ridiculously sore from Day 1 and Day 2, so I decided to take my break. I took one day, which will not happen again.

Today I took a 60 min Bikram class. These are my favorites, but I prefer the 90 mins better. I decided to make my focus on breathing this evening. I notice I hold my breath through difficult things, postures, life experiences, etc. I need to learn to breathe through it. Take each good thing in and exhale the bad. So, tonight, that's exactly what I did and I dedicated my practice to Reid. He needs positive karma to come his way for the next few weeks while he tries to find a job; I sent all my energy waves his way.

If you'd like me to dedicate my positive energy towards you in a practice or need help through something that's going on in your life- tell my mother or me and I will send my energy your way. Tomorrow is another sunrise yoga and then perhaps an evening class to make up for Wednesday. Good luck to me.

Namaste.