Winter Playland

I leave for FL in a few hours, so excited! But what I'm more thrilled about is that it's snowing outside today. It started yesterday, but today it's actually sticking. The coolest part about the snow is being able to look up and watch it swirl above your head each little snowflake unique to itself falling effortlessly to the ground in no familiar pattern. It's just so pretty. One thing to be nervous about is me driving today. I have to go downtown to pick up my roommate from her work so she can take me to the airport. I have absolutely NO IDEA how to drive in these conditions. I've never had a car in the snow before. Apparently, this is pretty unusual for Seattle, the snow and all, but so far it's not enough to shut down the city like it did two years ago. I told my friend Anna-Lisa to wake up early today to check the weather because she wants to take a ton of pictures like the photo shoot I did with my roommate yesterday. If you haven't seen the photos are up on Facebook. We'll see if she actually does though.

So I finally went out with my friends last night. Ruth, Alissa and I went to Shelter and had PB&J Jalapeno Poppers (which are fantastic not matter how weird they sound). Then I headed off to Red Door in Fremont to hang out with my buddy Ryan (Fremont Ryan for those of you that can't keep all my friends straight) and watch the newest episode of "The Walking Dead." Everything's zombies with that kid; it makes me laugh! So we had a couple drinks and for once actually got to hang out and say more than just a few words to each other, which was nice.

I have huge plans for being home that I'm super stoked about. Tomorrow night the fam is going to a play, so that'll be fun. We have tickets to Adrenalina to make complete asses of ourselves. We're going to the Big Cat Rescue. We have Thanksgiving dinner with like 20 something people Thursday. Mom and I have a SegWay tour of Channelside next Tuesday. I'm going to a wedding on Saturday for my awesomest buddy James and I get to be Justin's date! I even bought a pretty teal dress because it's on the beach. I'm supposed to hang out with my friends Brian, Tristen and Nick at some point. I might go over to Kaitie-lynne's thanksgiving day. My best friend, Kaypee, is supposed to drive up this weekend to see me and hang out. My plan is to take my skimboard to the beach for a couple of days. So, you see...lots to do. Lots to see and I can't wait to be out in the sun for a few days. As nice as it is being in the snow, I'm very much looking forward to blue skies instead of white/gray ones.

Vacay-time!

So, I'm heading back to FL in t-minus 5 days? By the way, what does the "T" stand for in t-minus? Random errant question.

This is annoying. The "O" key is sticking; I need to see about getting this fixed.

Okay, back to the matters at hand. I head home in a few days; it's supposed to snow the day I leave. Funny how every time I head back to the sun it decides to snow! This time I'm heading home under good pretenses. I'm very excited to be back with my family and back with my friends. I have so many people to see and things to do I have no idea how I'm going to fit it all into 10 days. It makes me happy now I chose to come home for 10 days instead of just for the holiday; there's so much I didn't know I was going to have to do.

Now onto another note. I know how much I've really enjoyed (for the most part) my expedition out west, but now I realize just how much I miss being close to my family and I'm thinking I want to move back East. I've got a few states in mind, some are higher on the list than others. I've been begged and pleaded with to move to New York so many times. It's on the list, but I'm more of an outdoorsy girl and throwing me into the city might not be my idea of a good time. I know, however, I already have friends and family galore there and the transition would be relatively easy. Second on the list is North Carolina. I've always loved this state and when anybody asked I always said I thought it was the perfect blend of seasons, mountains, cities and beaches. I already have friends and family here and the possibility of living near Duke throws me into a tizzy (haha, I can't believe I just used that word). I love that campus, that school and would enjoy any idea of being near there. My cousin would love for me to move closer to her and I'd love to be closer to my cousins in SC and AL. Third on the list is Tennessee. I love Gatlinburg! It's small town, but tourist-y. Plenty of outdoors stuff to do, hiking, biking, kayaking and all. I loved Nashville when I passed through on my roadtrip out west. I'd LOVE to go to Pigeon Forge! Plus the mountains here are spectacular, not as great as the NW, but beautiful nonetheless. I don't exactly know people here, but everyone I met on my night in Nashville was so pleasant and helpful it's hard to think the whole state isn't like that! Once again I'd be moving just to move, but I think this time I'll look into it a bit more than just a few days.

So, those are my three choices so far. We'll see how far I get with this idea because I still have an entire winter to get through here in Washington. I know I'm going to be begging for the sun by the end of it. Well, here goes my start to Vitamin D and hot yoga to get me through the dreary months. Oh, and some surprise visits from friends are always exciting!

Yoga at its finest

Well, I'm definitely in better spirits about my living situation as of this moment than I was last time I wrote. A lot of that change is due to going back to yoga. I don't think I ever want to stop going to yoga considering the changes I've felt over the past week. I went everyday this week and have been progressively more content than when I wasn't going. I can't say happy because I'm definitely not there yet, but at least there's a real smile on my face.

Mostly I'm just trying to come to terms with all my feelings from the past 2 weeks. Everything involved, not just the family stuff, has been a little overwhelming for me. I feel...too much really. Yoga has been the place where I've put my mind completely at ease and not had to think about anything. I didn't go today because I woke up late and then had an actual dinner with both of my roommates (we've never spent more than a few minutes together since I moved in over three months ago!). I haven't spent any time with any other friends because I'm not really ready for the explanations that come with why I haven't seen them in weeks. Basically with my books and movies, I've been spending most of the days by myself. I don't see this as a bad thing, but I'm thinking I need to get back out and socialize again. I just think after being back with my friends from home it's really difficult to have to go back to the "new" friend relationships. I like not having to prove anything, dress as comfortable as possible, not have to impress anyone. We've all been friends long enough to see each other at our worst. So, coming back to Seattle is an unwelcome change in that aspect.

So, another week of working every day, yoga in the evenings and hot bubble baths reading my new copy of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" at night will be what my next week consists of and personally, I have no problem with that.

Who would be your first call?

I find it interesting to see who are the first people you talk to in a crisis.

The moments you swear you’ll crumble and fall apart, the moments that seem so frivolous and useless and all you want to do is cry, the moments where words can’t even be communicated through the sobs of hopelessness. The moment you are at the pinnacle of vulnerability there are people you think would be your first call. There are people that should have been, but when the time comes you pick people you never would have thought. What does this say to you? To me, I feel like I’m trying to tell myself who seem to be the people that are always there for me no matter what shit I put them through, how long it’s been since we’ve talked or even how many hours are separating us. I’m noticing slowly the things I want in my life. I’ve been so naïve to the people that have been my greatest allies, my steady foundations of love and trust. These are the people that have had my back this past week.

I never expected to put so much of my insecurities into the hands of friends I rarely spoke truthful words to. I can’t explain the depth of my gratitude for these people in my life. The kind words, the amiable gestures, the couple of drinks to loosen the tongue and discuss life’s trials.

We all know my family means everything to me, so much so it’s tattooed on my body for eternity. My friends are my family and they are included, but true family- the ones where blood ties become bonds that are unbreakable and genetics lead to heritable traits like a sense of humor. I love my family. It hurts to see part of that family disappear from our physical lives, but knowing she’ll always be there in spirit and live on through our memories casts a net wide enough to hide my fears. It has been one of the hardest weeks; I wish I was happier to be home. This just doesn’t feel like home and it hasn’t felt like home. I could have never come back and been just as comfortable as I am now. Seattle is not the place for me. I remember the last time I entered into the state of WA and how ecstatic I was for the unknown, but now that I know it and I know what I have to go through to get back to my family when things happen, I’m not happy here. I’ll give it a few more months to try and make a place for myself, but in the end we’ll see where this groundbreaking event leads my life because we know forever it has changed it.