What's your theme song?

Everyone connects on different levels to music. I, myself, always deemed music to be the center of my emotional climate. I listen to music based on my moods or what I want other people to feel. Most music is like different smells for other people. Certain songs will remind me of situations and all the feelings attached to those moments will suddenly flood back into my life. I love playing songs for people I’m with so that they can understand in what way I’m feeling or how I want to feel. One of the few questions I love asking people is whether or not they connect to a song on this level that just explains every way they’re feeling in that day/hour/year of their life. It’s like a theme song for how he or she feels.

My theme song has always been the same, John Mayer- Why Georgia. The first time I heard it I couldn’t have quite imagined in how many ways it would actually relate to my life. I grew up with a nickname in high school, Georgia. It was an inside joke at the time, but it’s held solid ever since whenever we didn’t want others to know who we were talking about. Everyone in our lives had their own nicknames, like our own secret language. It follows a happy trail through a very important part of my life. Second, I’ve always been the person that’s never been satisfied. I can’t contain myself in one place too long. I’m never truly comfortable in the position I’m in. I have so many aspirations and I fear I’ll never be truly content until I follow through on every single desire I have. Then comes the constant fear that maybe the way my life is heading isn’t where I want it to be. “Am I living this right?” It’s difficult the conundrum my mind dwells on. But it’s a constant, flagrant question I wish every day I could answer.

What would be your theme song?


Step on the gas, windows down, the chill of the breeze outside sweeping through to the bones, a slight shiver and the gps as the only light around in the all-encompassing darkness on the desolate highway. In the all too foreign town limits, alone on the only road out of the city, trying to stay awake for the next two hours and attempting to ascertain the level of awareness it may take to drive away from this gorgeous small town. A car taking the streets without a thought to the speed limit, encroaching fast and not a care in the world. I may have thought I was about to be run off the road by some idiotic teenager that just got their license. Instead, the reflection of the red/blue lights in my rearview mirror was more than enough to make my heart start pounding. Lucky for me, this small town cop was “feeling nice,” even though he didn’t act like it. It was a not so fantastic end to a fabulous day. I had headed up the two hour drive to NW WA, to Anacortes. It’s the one destination where you can catch the ferries out to the San Juan Islands.
I’ve always been pretty comfortable doing things on my own, however, people thought I was strange deciding to make this trip by myself. Meh…they can see it as they may, but going by myself leads me to no expectation other than to enjoy what’s in front of me. No need to please anybody else, no need to make sure that there is always something fun to do; just be. I have absolutely no desire to entertain someone else all day. I’d rather just enjoy the moment and take in the beauty of new places. I left for Anacortes in the am. I got to the ferry port about 25 minutes after the ferry I wanted to take had left, so I went into town and got breakfast then walked around the water. I got to the ferry about an hour early and my particular ferry ended up being 30 minutes late, so I read in the icky, smelly “waiting area” for almost two hours. I made a few friends on the ferry ride over, two people from Switzerland and a lady from Whidbey Island. Once we got to Friday Harbor, I walked around the small town (which took me about 20 minutes) and went in to the few shops that were still open considering the fact that everything except the few bars shut down by about 5 or 6 o’clock and I arrived in the port around 4pm. So, I didn’t have a lot of time, but it wasn’t like I needed much to see all that there was to see. I went to dinner at The Bluff where my friend Ruth told me to go because her boyfriend is the executive chef there. He sat with me while I ate the Bananas Foster and then took me to one of the only bars in town and bought me a drink while we talked about his relationship with Ruth and each other. All in all, a very pleasant guy and extremely easy to talk to. Decided to take the ferry back that night even after I had made all the necessary precautions in case I had wanted to spend the night there. I got a yummy hot chocolate on the ferry ride home and chatted with my mom most of the way. I got pulled over on my way home that night, but the cop let me go. I’ve been super careful ever since then about driving around.

The next day I shacked up in the house and then went to Neumos and MOE bar with my friend Anna-Lisa and saw two bands that were pretty fantastic. Twin Sister went on first and it was a very electronica Imogen Heap feel to it and then came Morning Benders who were very good. I was very impressed by them. I’ve been ridiculously busy most days here; it’s hard to find time to do anything else recently. I joined a Hot Yoga place. I’ve been there almost every day since I joined. I love it so much! Between work, volunteering and yoga I’m squeezing things into my schedule. I hang out with people every other night like last night I went out with my friend Chris, the guy I was originally supposed to live with. We went to a bar with all his MBA buddies then back to his place for drinks and the hot tub. After that we all went to get breakfast at a 24-hr diner right down the street from my house. Yum yum yum. This leads us up to today. I’m doing my best to keep this more up to date, so I'm hoping you enjoy hearing a little of my life here in Seattle!

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!

Big news of the week:

I’m not going to grad school this year.

I decided that looking at my calendar with dread everyday for not having done my GRE’s yet and still having a ton to do involving my grad school applications, I’m going to put it off another year. I want to look into more schools than just Duke, UW and Stonybrook. I want to look at grad schools out of the country too! I want to look into the Masters in Global Health mainly for now and then after I finish that maybe working on the Ph.D for Genetics. I just see myself working towards helping people. I love being in the lab by myself working towards a goal, but the social aspect hits me way harder. I love seeing the reactions people have in person. I want to see just exactly what my help is doing for people.

This is why I’m a food delivery driver for Lifelong AIDS Alliance. I deliver food and groceries to people who are too sick to leave the house to get it themselves. Sometimes I am the only person that they will see the entire week and they look forward to those Thursdays where I’m around just to talk to. The look on their faces when you step through the door is heartbreaking sometimes. You really get to understand the frailty of human life and the capacity a person can have for the compassion and care for others. I’ve seen more of how diseases really affect people here than I’ve ever given thought to before. Doing these projects I find my love for the human race and how much I want to do my part in trying to make even a few people’s lives a little happier.

I’m also volunteering for ZomBcon for Halloween. Apparently, Seattle is now the Zombie capital of the world because in July they had a zombie walk and over 6,000 people showed up to walk/crawl/eat people’s brains in the streets of Fremont (the neighborhood next to mine). ZomBcon is a convention with discussions with major horror film gurus, plenty of viewings of your favorite horror films and even a Zombie prom! I’m super psyched for the prom, which I’m actually going to with a few friends. We have theatre majors to help with the make-up and gore!

I decided since I’m no longer tied down to staying here in Seattle that I’m going on another whirlwind adventure this summer. The family wants to go to Morocco, so that’s going to be the starting point. Hopefully Nolan can meet up with me in Africa and we’ll head out from there. I want to do shark diving, ride an elephant, see a lion (better yet, a tiger!), and I want to go to a nude beach! I know I have high aspirations, but what’s a life without a little adventure? Maybe I’ll visit my friend Jenna in Korea and stop through Kenya to help out with the AIDS Empower program. I can do whatever I want! I just need to save all my money for the next few months. I can do this. It’ll work out the way I want it to; I just have to want it enough to try.

“Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Creativity is not my thing today

I suck. My apologies everyone. To tell you the truth, I think it says more about my experiences in Seattle not writing in my blog than it does actually keeping it up. Maybe this means I'm actually out enjoying myself...or maybe not. You never know.

Sorry, no new picture updates either. I'll work on that one though.

You know when you're in Seattle when...

it's cold and it's only October.

That's actually all I've got today. My creativity is pretty low given that I've been working my butt off! I work 5-6 days a week and between both jobs sometimes doubles. I try and plan something every night with someone, or try to do something. It's going relatively well. I'm not much of a fan of having my life on a schedule, but I think I can make due for now.

Awakening finally came in and Mel gave it to me to finish reading. I take about a page at a time because it's a pretty intensive read. It makes you think a lot about your life, virtues, values, priorities, relationships and what actually matters to you. The whole Sufi experience is just a new theme. I love it. It sets my mind at ease to be able to sit and meditate and just think about all the ideas and thoughts that matter in comparison to the ones that do not. It's incredible how much of your life you spend dedicated to a priority that if you wrote out a list would fall at the bottom. Do you think what you're doing right now will be important or pertinent when you're ninety? Then why are you doing it?! "For by ignoring the needs of your soul, you run the grave risk of dying in despair." It's kind of crazy because I was actually thinking about this the other day on my drive to work. I've been trying to come up with my next big purchase...I'm between a bike, a kayak, or a snowboard. I'm trying to make all of these justifications or reasons or places I'd use them. In the end it's only about whether or not I know I will. I feel like I know myself pretty well, however, the only conclusion I came to with this conundrum was the idea that I can't stand the place I work.
Funny how far off my thought process will stray. I'm actively seeking another job looking into something outdoors, with animals, or once again anything within a lab. I'm just not a person that wants to serve others interests anymore. Yes, it's good money. Yes, it's a pretty simple job. Yet, I dread going to work every day. I can't wait for my days off to walk around in this beautiful city. I want to take a ferry to Friday Harbour and go kayaking. I want to see the San Juan Islands. I want to drive to Canada for my first trip to the Maple Leaf country. I want all these amazing experiences, yet I sit at work dreading that next day to repeat the exact same scenario over and over again. I've been doing this for almost four years now and I think it's time for a change. I need to do something I love, work someplace I care about, do something that feels right. This is not it. I feel like I'd be incredibly happier elsewhere. So, that's the position I sit at now. AND since it is a GORGEOUS day out today I'm going to go for a run before I meet up with my friend Kate to see The Social Network and grab sushi.

I hope you didn't invest too much interest in my ramblings because I think they're a bit of a disappointment today. I'll work on the excitement!