One of those days...

Do you ever have those days of reminiscing that you just can't break out of?

Today is definitely one of those days for me. I just keep thinking about Seattle. About moving back. I definitely don't miss the rain and the overcast, but I miss the beauty and the fervor I felt for it when I walked outside. I walked everywhere just because I loved it. I loved walking down the street and seeing the skyline at the end with the sparkling water even in the gray covered mist and the serene backdrop of snow-capped mountains a little fuzzy in the distance, but still plainly clear. It's one of those sites you can't forget. The evergreen trees so statuesque and pristine along the edges of the highway as you race by, or sit in traffic...it was just so beautiful. So calming sometimes. Sitting outside on a brisk or even chilly night on my porch steps just watching the stars and having amazing conversations. I miss my friends there. I miss Anna-lisa and Mel and Ruth and even Chris sometimes. I miss walking around the parks. Gasworks. Riding the bus downtown to Pike's Place. I miss showing off my beautiful city. I miss sitting in my kitchen on the mini stove warming myself after taking a run around Green Lake. I miss walking to the local market and always finding something new to try. I miss the Farmer's market every Sunday and the sushi for lunch. I miss kayaking in the sound. I miss driving somewhere new and experiencing things on my own every other weekend. I miss the adventure, the experience of the place. I miss Ryan and our zombie filled extravaganzas. I miss seeing seals in Discovery park and I miss watching the AMAZING sunsets in Golden Gardens. I miss the food, the wonderful seafood I couldn't get enough of. I miss volunteering and visiting the sick families that became my friends. I miss Kate and our dinner dates and meeting up with alums from my hometown. I miss the Mariners game with Mike and playing in the bars in Fremont and Ballard. I miss the random people I met from meet-up, no matter how strange, they were always a good time. I miss my cousins and our poetry and meteor shower events. I miss always having something to do. Not always sitting at home. Not always having to drive places. I miss public transportation being easy. I miss seeing the Space Needle walking to work. I miss my friends in Bellevue and hearing their stories of growing up in this strange town.

Nashville has it's perks, but it's not the same. It's nice to be so close to family. It's nice to be able to go outside in the sunshine for more than three months. It's incredible to be able to take weekend trips to other states. Zorbing and rafting and mountain climbing and hiking and outdoorsy things are commonplace. We can spend a weekend with my parents in Tampa easily, or Orlando. We can fly to NY for relatively cheap. These trips aren't 8 hours just by plane, they're quick and easy. We're saving money, which is nice.

It's hard to let go of everything I miss though. As horrible as it felt sometimes, Seattle meant a lot to me. It was something I did on my own. It took everything I had to make it work and as miserable as I was, it was just because I was lonely. I felt so far away from familiar, yet now I yearn to feel that unfamiliarity again. I'm so unsure of my future at this point. I just know next year is going to be a radical change no matter what. I should be stoked but I'm just waiting anxiously to figure something, anything out.